Dry.
Exposed.
Ugly.
Renewed.
These four words describe the journey my heart took this year. Spiritual refreshment has been unknown to me in my year here. The new year brought a season of feeling as if layer upon layer of my being was exposed to me, and it wasn’t pretty. Lessons come in odd circumstances, but even in those odd moments revelations can be profound. All year I had struggled to love and support my 12th grade students. Their reputation preceded them on the first day of school, and from there things didn’t seem to improve. As if being punked in some bizarre way, providence would put me as one of the chaperones for their spring trip. In all honesty, I struggled greatly with this. One day, I was talking with Dad and trying to break down the wall that divided my heart from the heart of my students. I was tidying up the kitchen and noticed that even though the white backsplash tile looked “white”, upon further inspection it had grease marks marring its true cleanliness. As if leaning over my shoulder and speaking into my ear, the message was clear. I may think that I am “clean” and look in order, but the reality is that deep down inside of me I too am dirty, and quite frankly gross. Who am I to judge my students or erect walls which block relationships? As the spring trip began to close in on my calendar, I began to see things from a new perspective and excitement began to build within me. The trip afforded me the opportunity to see what I would term as “the REAL China”, but even more so it allowed me to see the “REAL” nature of my students.
