A Piqued Interest

A New Address

2010-07-21T18:44:00.001-05:00

I've consolidated my Google accounts and moved A Piqued Interest. Bookmark or follow it!

Adjusting

2010-07-13T19:52:00.003-05:00

I've almost reached the one month marker in regards to being back in the states. Most people ask how it feels to be back, and quite honestly, depending on the day, it feels weird, good, bizarre, and hard.

Weird: I'm living in a small town once again, and this means the likelihood of running in to people I know has been magnified. For instance, I've seen my 8th grade English teacher, 7th grade English teacher, and my high school chemistry teacher since being home.

Hard: Waves of frustration, sadness, and uncertainty come and go.

Good: Being with my family and spending quality time with them.

Tears for toys?

2010-07-12T18:48:00.002-05:00

The toys got me. They pulled my heartstrings, and the next thing I knew I was rooting through my purse to find my trusty pack of tissues. If you haven’t seen Toy Story 3, I won’t ruin anything for you. I’ll just tell you that you MUST see it, as it offers a jam packed dose of humor and sentimentality that just might entertain adults more than children.

That said, on the way home my nine year old nephew asked, “Why did you cry?”. Well, I’m a crier. I almost started crying as the Secretariat preview played before our feature presentation. Yet, I chalk my tears up to two things: taking a trip down memory lane and passing Scout on to new owners.

Since returning from living overseas, I’ve been reorganizing my “stuff” currently housed in my parents’ basement. Sorting through pictures and mementos revived latent memories of times past.

Prior to leaving East Asia, I needed to find a new home for Scout. When I picked her up from the Good Friend Store last spring, I told a friend that I didn’t give up pets. In all my years of pet ownership, I’d never had to. This time was different. I knew it wasn’t the best of decisions to bring Scout back to the states, and fortunately a loving family was provided for her. Nonetheless, saying goodbye to a furry friend was, and is, hard.

In adjusting to life back in the states, I’m reminded that time moves on, and people grow older—something Toy Story 3 explores. Two realities of life that are hard to accept.

Common Questions

2010-07-12T18:45:00.002-05:00

Q1: What do you plan to do this fall?

A: Honestly, I’m not sure. I know two things: I'm registered for the Chicago Half Marathon and I won't be teaching full-time.

Q2: Will you go back to East Asia?

A: My first and almost immediate response is, “I want to!”, but what that looks like in a long term capacity is still unclear. Several opportunities have piqued and sustained my interest: team leading with an organization that works in Asia, graduate studies in spiritual formation and discipleship, and member care for individuals serving overseas.

Q3: Do you miss East Asia?

A: Y-E-S!

Q4: What do you miss most?

A: This is hard to really put into words. I miss a multitude of things that may not even make sense. Here’s a little list: going to the market, attempting to speak Chinese, going to Li Hua with my friends, deep conversations and laughter with my friends, my cat, riding my bike, seeing street food vendors setting up shop…I could go on and on.

Q5: Why didn’t you bring Scout with you?

A: Honestly, I just felt like it wasn’t the best decision and logistically I didn’t feel it would work out. Since my departure, Scout has transitioned into a loving and fabulous new family.

Q6: So, are you fluent in Chinese?

A: (insert laugh) Hardly. I took two hours of Chinese every week, and almost 90% of the time I was speaking English. I'll let you do the math. :)

Back home

2010-07-08T08:32:00.003-05:00

At Lambert airport, the fam (mom, Vanessa, dad) greeted me with flowers and a sign. :)

Seriously?

2010-07-08T08:30:00.002-05:00

Does the sky really look like this?

(A sunset in Breese, Illinois)

Let's chat!

2010-07-08T08:09:00.006-05:00

I asked one of my students to take some photos of me before leaving China. Both signs convey the message "I want to tell you about China", as they were included in post cards sent to friends and supporters. I loved the final product! Thanks, Michael; and thanks to the students who wrote the Korean and Chinese messages. :)

Recollections

2010-07-07T21:12:00.004-05:00

This week, my dad is watching over the neighbor's livestock while they are on vacation. When I went with him to feed the cattle, I found the sights, sounds, and smells of farm life transported me back to life as it used to be. As a kid, I loved spending countless hours in the barn attending to the mutitude of cats we had at any given time. The outdoors were my playground, and the animals we had were my playmates. It seemed that being a veterinarian would have been an ideal job for me at that time.

Farming needs change as the seasons do, and the same is true for life. My family sold our farm 10 years ago this summer. The farm land now houses a subdivision peppered with houses, duplexes, and children who gambol across patches of grass my sisters and I once did years ago.

Time marches on, but fortunately the memory is able to linger in places long gone.

Adjustments

2010-07-07T21:08:00.004-05:00

A short collection of observations on adjusting back to life in America

-Buying and using white eggs

-Using my mom’s washing machine was weird at first. Different water temperatures, cycles…too many options.

-In China, you can’t flush the toilet paper. In public bathrooms I kept thinking, “Where’s the trash bin?” Oh yeah…I’m in America.

-Things, especially produce, are expensive!

-Stores are cold. Really cold.

-One day, my mom said, “It looks like it’s going to rain.” My immediate response was, “That’s just pollution.”

-I was taken aback when the ATM scanned the check I deposited and told me how much the amount was. Weird.

-I am TOTALLY turned off by the Huggies jean diaper commercial. Seriously, jean diapers?

-Driving—just like riding a bike. It comes back to you.

-Personal space and lines—I’m not used to how much space people leave when they “stand” in line. I’m beginning to think that the Chinese actually DO know how to line up.

-Going from living in a town of millions to a town of 5,000 is VERY different.

Good Times with Good People

2010-07-06T16:56:00.005-05:00

Beijing bound

My Gansu family group

One last meal at Li Hua
Dinner with good friends
Small group
Getting ready for spring trip

Learning

2010-07-05T22:18:00.001-05:00

When I decided that I was not going to return to Tianjin this fall, the first question asked in response was “What will you do?”. At the time, I had no reply. As the weeks and months began to pass, slowly I gained insight into what could possibly be a next step for me.

A multitude of conversations have led to this fork in the road, yet two situations stick out in my mind. Here they are.

-Be confident in yourself-
One day I boarded the 6:45 school bus to find two of my sophomore students already seated. As we were shuttled to school, their conversation consisted of bemoaning the horrors of their History project, and then the conversation turned to English. (Hmmm, the teacher is two seats behind you and has amazing hearing!) I chuckled to myself as they said things like “Ugh (insert dramatic sigh), my poem is so hard. I don’t understand it.” (Their assignment: analyze a poem related to the Holocaust and lead the class through a discussion on said poem.) In class that day, the two students in question asked for assistance as they were working on their Keynote discussion slides. As we dialogued about poetic devices, the poet’s purpose, theme, overall meanings within the poem, it was evident these two students had done their homework. Their problem? A lack of confidence in their abilities to analyze and deconstruct the work. In this blip of a moment in the classroom, I realized that so often we do this in life. We know the answers, but sometimes we lack the confidence we need to move forward.

-This is what it’s about-
My Gansu family group was amazing. Actually, amazing does not do them justice. The night our little group of “Lulus” dined on delicious street food is a highlight due to their willingness to participate in an open and honest discussion about life, faith, and relationships. After a long conversation where hurts were revealed, problems aired, and yang rou chaunr shared, I continued talking with one of the girls on the way back to the hotel. As we talked about her desire to go deeper in conversation with a close friend of hers, she turned to me, beamed, and said, “I’m learning a lot on this trip.” I smiled inside and thought, “THIS is what it’s all about.”

Walking with people as they wrestle with hurts, frustrations, discontent, joys, and every day battles of life makes me excited. Seeing my students challenged, rise above their own expectations, become transformed is what makes teaching rewarding, but not just teaching. It’s what makes relationships with people energizing.

A "Lovely" Ending

2010-07-05T21:22:00.004-05:00

Time is an enemy stealing details and memories from the mind. Now that I’m back on US soil, I find that time has whisked away details and memories of my last weeks in China and stored them in an unknown box. Fortunately the lessons learned are Sharpied on my heart. As the school year ended, I distributed a letter to my 11th grade students which contained the following excerpt from The Great Gatsby; I believe it sums up my last few weeks overseas.

“The track curved and now it was going away from the sun, which, as it sank lower, seemed to spread itself in benediction over the vanishing city where she had drawn her breath. He stretched out his hand desperately as if to snatch only a wisp of air, to save a fragment of the spot that she had made lovely for him. But it was all going by too fast now for his blurred eyes and he knew that he had lost that part of it, the freshest and the best, forever.”
—F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Dates on the calendar flew by, and as Fitzgerald wrote, “it was all going by too fast now”. Despite this, my 11th grade students and close friends truly made my remaining days in Tianjin one of the freshest and best seasons of my life. While those final weeks of spring trip, exams, graduation, and packing were exhausting and jam packed with “to-do” list items, those same moments were chock full of laughter, deep and meaningful conversations, and moments of joy that truly were unique and special.

People are amazing. Embrace the moments you have with them, even the smallest of moments. Be genuine, share a spot of laughter or shed a few tears. You won’t regret it.

Thanks to all those who made Tianjin a lovely place for me.

Industrial Beauty

2010-05-03T07:59:00.001-05:00

Growing up on a farm affords one with many opportunities to appreciate the intricacies of nature. Though I lived miles from any skyscrapers, industrial beauty also takes my breath away. As I rode the bus into Hong Kong last week and gazed upon the inky hills behind the harbor, my eyes took pleasure in the dark sky peppered with outlines of skyscrapers and floors of lights and neon displays: a marvel of metal, industry and man’s ingenuity.

Thoughts from Hong Kong:

2010-05-03T07:56:00.001-05:00

· I am thankful for English, people who speak it and signs written in it.

· It seems logical that a Bank of America building should contain its namesake.

· “People are like ants.” While walking through the Central/IFC mall MTR interchange, this thought occurred to me.

· Delicious food is around every corner. The street next to my hotel had Vietnamese, Thai, Indian, Dim Sum, a French bakery and a Western café.

Please Don't Stop the Music (or So Good It Gets Two Entries--Cather’s “A Wagner Matinee”)

2010-05-03T07:54:00.003-05:00

Music speaks a language often heard only through our heartstrings. It stirs, connects, and encourages. As one of my students recently wrote, “Music is like a pillow comforting me.”

A recent assignment called for my students to read Willa Cather’s short story “A Wagner Matinee”. If you are unfamiliar with it, I would recommend you find it online. Not only does Cather’s story touch on the power of music, but even more so the longings of the soul.

Aunt Georgiana has given up a great many things to start a new life with her husband on the Nebraskan frontier and decades later she returns to her home in Boston. It is here where her soul is revived by the decadent music she herself once played and was forced to relinquish in moving out West.

“Her eyes were closed, but the tears were glistening on her cheeks, and I think in a moment more they were in my eyes as well. It never really dies, then, the soul? It withers to the outward eye only, like that strange moss which can lie on a dusty shelf half a century and yet, if placed in water, grows green again. My aunt wept gently throughout the development and elaboration of the melody.” --“A Wagner Matinee”

Wagner’s music unlocks her suppressed dreams and resurrects them causing them to swirl once again in front of her, only to realize that she will have to relinquish them a second time.

While I love Cather’s use of figurative language to capture to essence of Georgiana’s soul, I found myself more drawn to her acknowledgement of the power of music. Who hasn’t sought comfort from music? Who hasn’t blasted a favorite song to help pump extra adrenaline? Who hasn’t gotten goose bumps from a moving lyric or measure of notes?

Though Cather’s story was written more than 100 years ago, the universal power of music remains constant. Composers, lyricists, and musicians possess a magical touch, leading us into a room of familiar emotions connecting all of us in an unimaginable way.

In the fall, I used music to help my students understand the mechanics of poetry. I played the title song from the movie “Schindler’s List”. I provided no background information, only the instruction to listen to the instruments used and the emotions evoked within you. As we chatted about the selection, my students shared that the mournful cello caused them to feel sorrow, a longing, and an ache. We then moved on to “Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2, one of my favorite bands, and discussed how the militaristic drum beat mirrors the battle ready words woven into the lyrics. Music stirs us in ways other mediums cannot.

I remember the first time I saw a stage production of The Phantom of the Opera. The final reprise of “The Music of the Night” accentuated the sorrow and pain I felt for the misunderstood Phantom. The first time I stood in an arena with U2, goosebumps sprung up on my arm as the intro to “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” coursed its way through the TransWorld Dome. When I needed help trudging through one more mile on the treadmill, Kelly Clarkson’s angst in “Since You’ve Been Gone” boosted me towards my goal.

Whatever the situation, cue up the music and crank it, if necessary. Just please DON’T stop the music.

Two Takes on the Soul

2010-05-03T07:51:00.003-05:00

My brain craves connections. When I read, listen to music, and observe art, my brain often plays tag with information its previously stored. Case in point: the soul.

While traveling over the last few days, I dived into Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, a book that’s been sitting on my nightstand since September. Here are Bell’s thoughts on being a Christian:

Being a Christian is not cutting yourself off from real life; it is entering into it more fully. It is not failing to go deeper; it is going deeper than ever. It is a journey into the heart of how things really are. What is it that makes you feel alive? What is it that makes your soul soar? (91)

Enter “A Wagner Matinee”, a short story by Willa Cather.

In teaching literature this year, I find myself analyzing the characters in a new way, as if they truly are human. I find Bell’s comment about being alive so relevant to Aunt Georgiana.

Clarke, her nephew, makes the following observation on seeing his aunt react to a Wagner matinee.

“It never really dies, then, the soul? It withers to the outward eye only, like that strange moss which can lie on a dusty shelf half a century and yet, if placed in water, grows green again.”

Aunt Georgiana’s repressed longings sprung to life with one stoke of the conductor’s baton, and ours can be resurrected with one healing touch of living water. May you, too, embrace it, walk towards it, and wade deeper into it.

What I Love Most About China (The Beginning)

2010-05-03T07:50:00.001-05:00

Many things could make it on the list, but I think one of the top spots would be devoted to street food vendors. When I walk through the alleyway behind my apartment complex in the afternoon, it appears to be a desolate grey place, yet at 8:00 a.m. it is a bustling outdoor café of vendors selling porridge and spicy mysterious sizzling sandwiches.

Deep Thinkers

2010-04-15T08:48:00.006-05:00

In the last few days, my American literature students have been studying the poetry of Robert Frost. While dialoguing about "Birches", I asked my students why people feel a need to get "in touch" with nature. Considering where we live, nature is spare. I asked students who had spent time traveling to Outer and Inner Mongolia where their thoughts took them while immersed in an unfamiliar expanse of nature. One student's reply astonished me; the depth of his thoughts were of someone far beyond the age of 17.

He mentioned that as he observed nature and the patterns of life within it, he realized how mechanical and cyclical life is. How he is a cog in the wheel of life, almost part of a machine. Being removed from the machine helped him to see the value of the "mechanisms" of life and to be a better participant overall.

Wow.

I think he could compete with Frost.

This I Believe--NPR

2010-04-15T08:41:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I gave my honors US literature students an assignment related to the "This I Believe" series on NPR. My 11th graders continue to impress me with their thoughts, desires, and experiences thus far in their lives. Their beliefs included hope, integrity, service, making a different, not letting expectations get the best of you, and making the most of the opportunities in front of you.

I decided to join them in their writing assignment. My thoughts are pasted below. For more information about this NPR series, visit This I Believe.

When asked to “describe myself” for a blog or Facebook profile, I struggle with writer’s block. If one truly knew me, such a box would be unnecessary. If I truly knew those around me, I wouldn’t need a Cliff’s Notes version of their life. I live in a world of interconnectedness. I can log-on and plug in to the lives of countless “friends” stationed in far corners of the globe, yet despite my connectedness a longing still resonates in my heart.

I believe in the power of community. Not one online, not a physical conglomeration of buildings, but one of the heart. A place where transparency unites, encourages, affirms and nurtures people.

In my six years of teaching, I have found literature echoing the cries of my heart most this year, perhaps I have learned to see deeper into the hearts of the characters formed by bygone authors or perhaps my perspective has shifted, been sifted and now sees deeper into not only the literary soul, but the soul of mankind.

In her essay “The Mortgaged Heart”, Carson McCullers writes, “It has been said that loneliness is the great American malady. What is the nature of this loneliness? It would seem essentially to be a quest for identity.”

What then is McCullers saying? If one feels lonely, has the community surrounding that individual let him down by not affirming who he is? Perhaps, but this longing to be known is not limited to McCullers’ essay.

In Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Victor’s creature, filled with a desperate longing, weeps over the absence of human contact in his life—society has only seen his hideous exterior and missed the tenderness of his sensitive heart. He longs to be affirmed by the society surrounding him and more importantly his creator.

Emily Webb, in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, admonishes her mother for not “seeing” her for who she is, for not looking past the tasks of daily life to affirm her daughter, love her, and encourage her.

Community can mean a variety of things. It can stretch a broad streak and encompass society as a whole or be as narrow as a family.

In her essay, McCullers goes on to say, “Love is affirmation; it motivates the yes responses and the sense of wider communication. Love casts out fear, and in the security of this togetherness we find contentment, courage. We no longer fear the age-old haunting questions: ‘Who am I?’ ‘Why am I?’ ‘Where am I going?’—and having cast out fear, we can be honest and charitable.”

Togetherness. Honesty. Charity. Love. Glue that solidifies a community. How do I create a community that values these things? Only when I extend myself into a state of vulnerability can I expect others to open up. Only when I seek to look past my own need for affirmation and acceptance in order to make someone’s heart feel welcomed, validated and at home will I see true community fulfilled.

The lives of my friends are literally at my fingertips, but their hearts and their desires, at times, seem light years away. Everyone has a story to share. Everyone has a need to express. Everyone deserves a loving, transparent and supporting community to make them feel at home. This I believe.

Never Be the Same

2010-04-04T03:40:00.001-05:00

I love many of the David Crowder* Band’s songs; I’ve referenced many in several blog posts before, but there’s one I keep coming back to: “The Glory of It All”. While reading Breaking Free this morning, it once again popped into my mind. In “Hearts Broken by Loss” Beth Moore writes,

“But the life of a Christian is never about sameness. It’s always about change. That’s why we must learn to survive and once again thrive when change involves heartbreaking loss. We’re being conformed to the image of Christ. When our hearts are hemorrhaging with grief and loss, never forget that Christ binds and compresses them with a nail-scarred hand” (135).

While reading that and thinking about an Easter service a few hours later in the morning, the Crowder lyrics echoed in my head, so I cued it up on my iPod. The song encompasses the idea of the Son’s rescuing and repairing ministry. The part I absolutely love is the end of the song. It consistently builds tempo, but at the end it begins to crescendo all the more and the following words repeat:

Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same

Essentially then, there is a GREAT hope in change, in that we WILL never be the same. We WILL be moved to a place where we pose a greater likeness to the Son. Hallelujah.

With one glance of the eye

2010-04-04T03:38:00.002-05:00

Picking vacation reading material is daunting. Two recent trips provided me with extensive time to engage in poolside reading, and I wanted a rewarding page-turner. What I got in return was a burning question: what does it mean to be Christ’s beloved?

Last year, a friend continually reminded me that I am Christ’s beloved, but my internal response was always “Yeah, but what does that REALLY mean?”. By no means have I fully grasped it, but through books and songs I find myself inching closer to an understanding.

I had heard countless friends praise Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, so I gave it a shot. This type of fiction is not a normal choice for me, but being familiar with the story of Hosea and Gomer, I figured it would be worthwhile. In all honesty, I struggled with making it through the first chunk of the book—and the book is quite large. Having devoted a significant amount of carry-on space to it, I decided to keep trudging through, and, in all honesty, part of me felt guilty saying I didn’t like this storyline, considering the original source of it is the book of Hosea. Through the pages of Redeeming Love, my interest in "being the beloved" began to evolve.

In Breaking Free, Beth Moore writes, “Christ is completely taken with you. He sees you as His beloved, His bride” (153). Having been conditioned by Hollywood’s classic and modern romance movies, it seems unfathomable that Christ, the Savior, is “taken” with me. What does this really mean? I read this and my mind wistfully floats to two movie scenes, involving two characters named Mr. Darcy.

In Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Darcy says to Elizabeth, “You must let me tell you how much I ardently admire and love you.” A similar scene develops in “Bridget Jones’s Diary”. As Bridget and Darcy begin to entertain thoughts of interest in one another, Darcy offers the following toast to Bridget on her birthday: “To Bridget, just as she is” and then intently stares at her across the candlelit table. So, seriously folks. What does it mean that Christ is “completely taken with me”?

I love how Misty Edwards and Kari Jobe incorporate the idea into their lyrics.

“Simple Devotion”—Misty Edwards

And I hear you say, as you gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear you say, as you peer through the lattice of time
I hear you say, as you stand in heaven
I hear you say, as you rejoice over me
Oh angels, oh angels, look and see
Through that dark night of faith she is gazing at me
Oh angels, oh angels, look and see
Through that cloud of all knowing she’s gazing at me
And you have ravished my heart, my sister my bride
With one glance of your eye

“My Beloved”—Kari Jobe

Under my mercy come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you my child
You’re beautiful to me…
You’re my beloved
You’re my bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me, my life

Gomer turned her back on Hosea. Israel turned her back on God, yet the Lord said he would, “allure her, lead her into the desert, and speak tenderly to her” as well as “betroth her in righteousness, love, justice, mercy, and faithfulness”.

As Darcy is willing to look past some of Bridget’s downfalls and accept her “just as she is”, the Lord sees me as so much more. He wipes away the stain of sin, sings over me with delight, sees me as beautiful, and is somehow totally captivated by me. It seems like the roles are reversed, considering all He has done for me. Perhaps I need to be the one speaking Fitzwilliam Darcy’s famous words, but with one addition:

Lord, You must let me tell you how much I ardently admire and love you.

Melodies in My Mind

2010-03-28T02:59:00.003-05:00

Lyrics seem to be the best descriptor of my thoughts these days. Here’s a sampling:

“Beautiful” Kari Jobe
Here, before Your altar,
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden,
everything that's of myself.
And I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.

Beautiful, beautiful
Oh I am lost for more to say

“Just in Time” Misty Edwards
For one thing I know
You make ALL things beautiful
Just in time...
What is the length, what is the width, what is the depth, what is the height.
From glory to glory,
From death to life, life to death again
From strength to strength
Deep calls out to deep, Deep calls out to deep, Deep calls out to deep
As I press on

All That You Can’t Leave Behind

2010-03-28T02:57:00.003-05:00

“And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on”
--“Walk On”, U2

A friend recently asked what would be the hardest thing about leaving China. My answer: waking up the morning after I arrive back in the states and having the reality of not being there fully hit me.

There have been moments these days where I consistently come back to the thought, “You can’t ask this of me” or “I can’t let this go”. In those moments, my thoughts prompt me to consider that if it were easy I’d be relying solely on my own strength. Today, as I thought about it, I realized, “He gave EVERYTHING up for me (Phil. 2: 7-8). How can I not surrender this, too?”.

My flesh fights with my spirit in wanting so badly to hold tightly to this, yet I cannot, for holding on to it is counter to the Son’s teaching to his disciples.

As the goodbyes begin and the days move more quickly off the calendar, I know that despite the ache I will walk on and towards the prize promised, but not in my own strength.

A Sepia Sky

2010-03-20T06:38:00.004-05:00

A blustery and gritty forecast

Ms. LuLu’s birthday

2010-03-19T09:48:00.003-05:00

How my students gave me more than 32 things for which to be thankful

My senior class surprises me--I saw two of the students in the hall and thought they were trying to skip class. As I went out to reprimand them, I felt "punked" when I saw the candles on top of the cake.

My honors US lit class added to the festivities with their homemade cake (see below) and card signed by all of their classmates. Pass the Kleenex!

"Ms. Lulu"--I like it!

To quote Sally Field's famous Oscar acceptance speech, "You like me. You really like me."

A Fully Present Participant in Life

2010-03-19T09:42:00.005-05:00

Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?
--Emily Webb, Our Town

Nothing delights an English teacher more than to see her students enthralled by the material being studied. This week, my international students have been studying Our Town, which takes place in an American small town at the turn of the century. Each day, my students’ laughter and display of intrigue at the material amazes me, and I am encouraged to see them respond and engage with the drama in this way.

As we have begun to deconstruct the themes within the play and discuss the dynamics of relationships, I look forward to hearing what their generation has to say about being a fully present participant in life. Their generation is one hooked on texting, chatting, Tweeting, and uploading to Facebook, yet even in their “connectedness”, how many would say they are realizing life while they live and engage in it?

Too often, I’ve found myself saying to my contemporaries, “I wish I would have taken more opportunities to really sit down with you—to fully know who you are.” At the end of Our Town, Emily admonishes her mother for the lack of depth and meaning in their interactions; if only we truly knew how precious time is, and more importantly how precious people are. May we live realize life while we live it, and may we live the abundant and full life promised to us.

What Defines Me

2010-03-19T09:40:00.002-05:00

I’ve struggled with my identity since moving overseas. When I get into a taxi, I usually hear the driver ask “Ni shi Meiguoren? (Are you American?).” My cultural identity isn’t the problem; it’s “who Erin is” that confounds me. I’m not trying to sound existential by any means. As I transitioned from a community I had known for seven years and tried to reestablish myself, I realized that the easiest way to define myself was through my job; as I think about stepping away from teaching, I realize my “identity” is slowly slipping away. As a young girl, I can remember “playing school” in the basement with my sisters. Being a teacher has been a dream of mine for over 20 years.

When I knew that He was asking me to let go of my time overseas, sorrow overwhelmed me. And, now as I contemplate taking a break from teaching, letting go of the classroom becomes even harder.

Yet, as I think about surrendering my desire to live in China and to be a high school English teacher, I am reminded of the benefits of surrender, as “letting go gives a better grip” (David Crowder Band). Ultimately, to know Him more intimately and to have a refreshed perspective on His goodness, faithfulness and provision, this is a good, albeit scary, place to be.

At a recent women’s retreat, I double underlined the following point from our speaker.

“Pain brings a maturity we would never have otherwise. He asks for His glory. He wants us to look like his Son. He doesn’t waste anything.”

Though I know what He has asked is His best, it still hurts, and the grief of leaving ebbs and flows each day, yet I know that there is a greater purpose beyond my grief, and that gives me hope.

What I'm Learning

2010-03-14T05:27:00.001-05:00

Processing a move back to my home country is emotionally and mentally draining. Today, I spent time with others in my community talking about what we’ve learned in our time here as well as things to keep in mind as we begin to “think destination” and adjust to our new life elsewhere. This is hard! So much of me does not want to begin thinking about waking up back in America, mostly because I can’t just jump back in the car and take a little weekend trip down the road to a place called China.

As we spent the day reflecting, I was reminded of a great lesson learned here, unfortunately the hard way. People and relationships are, by far, more important than work. Now, every job involves people and relationships; however, I find that I have often let the responsibilities of my job overshadow the relationships, not just professionally but also personally. The counselor I’ve been seeing said in a recent session, “We make time for the things that are important to us.” My internal response was, “In theory” because I have not made that a priority, even though I desire true, honest and open community with others. My life has been dominated by “to do lists”, lesson plans, and essays to grade.

While countless bits of information from today’s seminar rang true in my current situation, one nugget really pierced me. The question was “how do I view the world?”. Three options were given: scenery, machinery, people. The speaker asked if we treated people like scenery or machinery? Wow, I was guilty. I, so often, in my busy, selfish workday treat others as machinery, not truly taking the time to get to know those around me. Bypassing opportunities to know remarkable individuals who have an amazing life story that deserves to be shared with others. Bypassing the opportunity to tell someone that I do truly appreciate the contribution they are also making in the lives of our students. Bypassing the opportunity to let that individual build into my life and teach me.

Again, I was reminded of why it is that I’m moving to something new. Though it is remarkably hard some days to think about letting go of China and of teaching high school English, there is a stirring in my heart to go deeper in life and in relationships, and a deep desire to meet people in a place in their lives where they long to be known, long to share the deep cries of their heart, and see themselves walk away changed. Now, what job description says exactly that? Wo bu zhi dao. I don’t know, but I’m looking forward to finding out.

Spring Weather Forecast

2010-03-14T05:26:00.004-05:00

March 8—Snow
March 9—Snow
March 14—Sleet and snow

Today’s snow reminded me of that fluffy, slow falling snow reminiscent of a Christmas movie. A traveler is walking through the busy streets of London and the soft, quiet flakes slowly fall around him making his situation seem less dismal and slightly more cheerful. Hmmm, if only the weatherman forecast weather like that.

Yummy snacks

2010-03-14T05:26:00.001-05:00

Spotted at the Hao Hao store—nutritious pickled vegetables for students (exact wording on the packaging) How’s that for a study snack! Maybe the College Board should take note.

Spirit Week Mini Me

2010-03-14T05:22:00.002-05:00

Teacher student swap day—Sang Yun replicates my wardrobe

Black pants, black sweater; white collared shirt (my wardrobe choice for black and white day), black fleece, and camel winter coat. The only thing missing: high heels, but I can let that pass.

I “dressed” up like two students, and thankfully the junior class immediately recognized which students I was imitating.

Serving amidst giggles

2010-03-04T07:02:00.004-06:00

Giggles and calisthenics consumed my morning as our students left the school building and embraced a day of service within the local community. I joined the seniors as they spent the morning with local children who attend an autistic preschool. Many of the seniors were surprised to see how “normal” several of the children were and commented on their willingness to engage with strangers. Two gregarious and lively boys captured their attention, but it was also those who were timid and shy who stole hearts.

As I watched our students engage with the preschoolers, a variety of thoughts entered my mind:
-how amazing it is that our school extends such opportunities to the students
-it’s a delight to see high schoolers speak the native language of those they are serving
-how beautiful children are, no matter what society might say
-how encouraging it is to see children overcome their disabilities and laugh, giggle, play and sing
-being able to see true and genuine concern from the staff serving the children
-realizing that everyone is a valuable member of society, no matter what some might think
-Being given more by the people you intended to serve

I am thankful for so much, especially the giggles of our little friends.

Renewed Vision

2010-03-04T06:52:00.003-06:00

Since making a decision to return to the states, the ebb and flow of my emotions fluctuates from day to day. As I’ve spent the last year really struggling to regain balance in my life and establish working boundaries, I often found my vision clouded. With the weight off of my shoulders, I find that when I walk down the street I can once again see the beauty of the bustle around me, and I find myself sad. Sad because it took so long for me to see life here this way again. Sad because I sometimes feel I squandered many months here. Sad because I have three months left in the midst of it.

Here are some sights from the neighborhood.

Picking up some bread on the way home

Getting ready for a KFC delivery

Street food vendors: popcorn and haw berries

Lock-In

2010-03-04T06:43:00.003-06:00

Crazy food relays. Fashion shows. Seeing who can go without sleep.

Randomness

2010-02-28T01:51:00.001-06:00

1. Today is Lantern Festival. Sounds of fireworks and firecrackers are hitting a crescendo, though not as loud as that of New Year’s Eve. Light snowflakes are filtering their way through the air. Seriously? It's almost March 1, and it's still snowing?

2. Malls in China have a fascination with dance music.

3. A sports jacket you won’t see in America: “Addicted to Badminton”.

4. A taxi driver was listening to an English lesson on the radio. “Can you show me that place on the map?” was the phrase in question. Now, this I can handle.

5. Curling. Curling. Curling. Every time I have an opportunity to watch the Olympics, curling happens to be on. Speaking of curling, who designed the Norwegian men’s team pants?

Countdown

2010-02-26T03:57:00.000-06:00

Lantern Festival, the culmination of Chun Jie (Chinese New Year) is in two days. This should mean I will no longer be hearing fireworks and firecrackers at all hours of the day. :)

Quest for the Gold

2010-02-26T03:50:00.002-06:00

I don't own a television, which has hampered my viewing of the Vancouver Olympics. Even with t.v. access, I wouldn't be understanding much as the commentary is done in Chinese. I did manage to catch two Olympic events while at the gym: the highly anticipated showdown in men's and women's curling--China versus Sweden.

The other day I was sharing with my students my frustration in not being able to watch the Olympics. As were were discussing the events, a fervor arose in the classroom when the women's figure skating event was broached. My South Korean students gleefully talked about Kim Yu-Na, a national hero, while my Japanese student tried to make a case for Mao Asada. There we were. Americans, South Koreans, Japanese and Taiwanese sports fans talking, laughing and campaigning for our favorite athletes. A delightful diversion from English and a new perspective on sportsmanship.

A Panorama of Lights

2010-02-18T08:55:00.002-06:00

As I rode home from the airport, a panorama of fireworks greeted me. Chun Jie is still in full swing here and with it comes countless fireworks and firecrackers. Driving down the tollway, my driver cheerfully pointed out gorgeous vantage points in which I could see bright sprays of color popping up over apartment complexes, the river, and the Olympic stadium. Apartment windows were littered with red lanterns and red holiday decor, and my mind thought of American homes all decked out in their own Christmas lights just a few months ago. Chun Jie Kuai Le!

Love Languages

2010-02-09T20:01:00.004-06:00

Dr. Gary Chapman claims there are five love languages in which we all give and receive love: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

I once did a love language inventory while at a team leader training; physical touch was my lowest. Considering this, and my fear of small children, I find it intriguing that I have enjoyed my trips to the local orphanage so much. In some ways, it seems paradoxical that you could enjoy a trip to an orphanage, but in so many ways I feel like I have gained more from my time there.

Yesterday, a coworker and I spent about two hours with several special needs children. Though in the past I’ve always shied away from people with disabilities, I have found that in my volunteering time I have most enjoyed being with those who are immobile.

One young man caught my attention. At first sight, he looks like he is four or five. His body is clearly underdeveloped, and his body rigid from a disease, lack of physical therapy, or a great many other reasons. His little fingers mirror those of a young toddler and his legs are curled up much like a cricket.

Feeling kind of uncomfortable, but wanting to be more helpful, I asked the ayi if I could hold him. She said yes, but that he was “hen da” (very big). She was right. His body, though small in size, definitely weighed more than I thought, but I managed to move him into an easier position for me to hold. It was then that I noticed he had a slight mustache forming on his upper lip. Curious, I wanted to know his age. I couldn’t remember the question words involved, so I told the ayi, “wo shi san shi yi sue” (I am 31 years old.). “Ta?” (him?). She said he was “shi san” (13).

So, why am I even writing about this experience? Simply because as I look in the faces of these kids, I have to come to grips with beliefs I have about the Father and His love for them. His son’s death seems to have even greater significance in their lives—his healing ministry and his gift of hope in greater things.

In my two hours with my “peng you” (friend), I saw him begin to move his fingers, more readily blink his eyes, and begin to mutter some sounds, and in those brief hours I realized that those who have special needs children or work on a daily basis with special needs children and adults in some way are extending the Son’s love to those society often deems unlovable; and I am thankful for their work.

Will Americans Really Learn Chinese?

2010-02-09T20:01:00.003-06:00

An interesting series of articles from The New York Times.

Schools Stop Teaching Foreign Language--Except Chinese

Room for Debate: Will Americans Really Learn Chinese?

The Power of Music

2010-02-08T07:37:00.001-06:00

A friend recently introduced me to the music of Rita Springer, and her introduction couldn’t be more timely. She had mentioned that when she doesn’t know what to say to Father, she often turns on Rita and lets her words speak what she can’t. So true, and so applicable to where I am right now with making a decision regarding the future. Here are two different excerpts from two Springer songs.

“Set my face as flint before you now
My life I recommit here as I bow
I love it when you gently kiss my brow
And whisper it’s all right”

“I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this”

Scenes from the Market

2010-02-08T07:18:00.003-06:00

Billy Joel wrote a song called "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant". If a song encapsulating all that is "the market" existed, it would have to musically include: squeaky bike brakes, the sizzling of a street food BBQ, electric bike horns honking, people shouting "duo shao qian", children chattering, and car horns honking in the distance. Here are some photos to help you envision life in the market.

Exceeding my expectations

2010-02-08T07:09:00.003-06:00

After a mini-unit on Walt Whitman and American ideals, my honors US literature students were given a project to recreate one of Whitman’s poems capturing the cultural diversity of their own school. As I read their rough drafts, tears welled up in my eyes. One of my Korean students had used wondrous imagery of an eagle soaring on the winds of the East and West—the eagle is our mascot and the directional words represent the varied cultures present in our student body. Another compared the diversity present within the confines of the school to a symphony of instruments warming up and finding their tune together. Yet another used Whitman’s “singing” example to talk about how his voice is heard amongst the “chorus” of students—individually beautiful, but more resonant when put with the other voices. Their masterful work clearly clouded my common sense, for when I read the title “Olleh” on one of the poems, I questioned my Korean student as to what it meant. His response: “It’s ‘hello’ spelled backwards.” Ah, yes.

My grade 10 students are currently reading Corrie Ten Boom’s The Hiding Place. In order to prepare them for the Holocaust unit, we spent a great deal of time learning about Elie Wiesel and his account of his experience in the concentration camps. In honor of the 65th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, my students created posters for the day of remembrance. Their creativity and ability to visually represent the gravity of the situation highly impressed me. Here are two examples of their work:

New Years preparations

2010-02-07T11:06:00.004-06:00

This paw would be a great addition for any Mizzou fan!

A collection of holiday decor available at the market

Subway messages

2010-02-07T11:04:00.003-06:00

Today's trek to the capital

2010-02-06T07:24:00.001-06:00

Wow, I do know quite a bit of Chinese
Little confidence builders along the way can do wonders for the self-esteem in regards to language acquisition. My piecemeal conversation with a taxi driver while on the way to the train station did just that.

Subway shuffle
Navigating the subway in Beijing is actually quite easy. Maintaining physical stamina during said subway rides is somewhat difficult. Why? If you are looking for a good leg workout, I suggest spending the day on the subway. Need to work your calves and glutes? Multiple transfers mean hundreds of steps and strides (and I thought DisneyWorld queue lines were never ending). In all seriousness, the subway stairs provide you with your own personal space, as the locals prefer to take the jammed escalator, and a good workout. Another workout is maintaining your position in a moving subway car when a railing or handgrip is unavailable. Shifting your weight at just the right time is quite important, unless you want to head face first into a stranger’s armpit.

I’m always amazed at the ebb and flow of subway traffic: the human kind. As I transferred from line 10 to line 1, I longed to have my camera within reach. There were easily six or seven “lanes” of people walking towards Line 1 and at least three lanes of people exiting Line 1. All of us walking together in a rhythm of our own and coming together as a unified stream of traffic.

Snow
As I walked up the exit to the Tiananmen East subway station, light, airy snowflakes greeted me. Yay. The cold drove away most of the tourists, but there still were a few people scattered about in the square. As I walked past a mom and daughter, I heard the little girl delightfully sing, “Bei jing huan ying ni” (Welcome to Beijing), a song from the 2008 Olympics.

Wow, I really don’t know much Chinese
In my attempt to exchange my train ticket for an earlier time, I managed to flub up the Chinese words I needed to use and was quickly waved away by the lady behind the glass window. It was almost as if she had a gong behind the counter; and when I opened my mouth to say “wo bu yao zhei ge…”, she immediately rang it. NEXT. Fortunately the ladies behind the second floor counter were more patient. So much for my morning confidence booster.

Women ai zhong guo--san

2010-02-05T07:32:00.003-06:00

lao shis he peng yous (teachers and friends)

The bamboo dance finale

Practice makes perfect, sort of.

Our moment to shine--well, at least our costumes did

Women ai zhong guo--er

2010-02-05T07:24:00.002-06:00

Sugar art

Spool school

Basketball challenge

Fishing for a prize

Women ai zhong guo--yi

2010-02-05T07:15:00.004-06:00

This is a common street food breakfast specialty. No idea what it is called, but I can attest that it's delicious (hao chi). You have an egg base (see below) and these donut'eque fillers topped with an almost chocolate like sauce.

China day vendors

Dough art

Yes, that is a dragon spitting out hot water.

File this under miscellaneous

2010-02-03T07:22:00.000-06:00

Today, I received a package from my sister, which included two Runner’s World magazines and a Rice Krispie Treat. I’m not necessarily a huge fan of Rice Krispie treats, but I must say this was, by far, the best Rice Krispie treat EVER.

In a few days, millions will celebrate the arrival of the year of the tiger. Everytime I hear someone say “the year of the tiger”, the song “Eye of the Tiger” pops into my head. Yup, it’s there now.

I’m learning to enjoy riding my bike about town, even in winter. Perhaps I’m becoming more like the locals.

Good advice

2010-01-30T08:40:00.003-06:00

May you find a place that allows you to recharge, refresh and feel renewed.
(From a Christmas tree display at the Singapore Botanical Gardens)

The Market

2010-01-30T08:30:00.002-06:00

Today's market trip: 70 RMB (approximately $11)
-green beans, green peppers, cucumbers, broccoli, spinach, zucchini, onions, garlic, apples, oranges, almonds, strawberries, and cherries

The Jungle

2010-01-30T08:25:00.002-06:00

Two nights ago, I said goodbye to a group of student teachers who had just finished a three-week cross cultural exchange program. I was treated to dinner at The Jungle for my role as a cooperating teacher. Having never been, I wasn't sure what to expect. It was quite an eclectic atmosphere:
--koi fish
--fake elephant statues
--a grand piano on an 'island' stage
--palm trees
--seals

Yes, seals.

Overwhelming

2010-01-30T08:21:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, I attended a semi-traditional wedding reception. The food dishes kept coming, and coming, and coming. At the end of the night, our table had three tiers of food dishes. Here's a sample.

Let it snow and snow and snow

2010-01-03T00:38:00.003-06:00

Three days ago I woke up to humidity and warm breezes. This morning, I woke up to snow, and it's still snowing. I ventured out to the grocery store and discovered that there are no snow plows here, at least none that I saw. No one shovels the sidewalk either, but that doesn't stop the locals from riding their bikes to each and every destination. Definitely a winter wonderland.

Flickr

2010-01-01T07:38:00.002-06:00

I've recently posted pictures on Flickr. The link below will take you to my photostream.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/erinluginbuhl

Enjoy! :)

The Splendid Table

2010-01-01T07:37:00.000-06:00

I often seek out culinary advice from a coworker who has a prowess for all kitchen matters. He directed me to an NPR podcast called “The Splendid Table”. While I have yet to listen to it, I’m simply going to steal the name for this blog entry. ☺

Last year I shunned cooking. It was hard, stressful and quite often disastrous. I missed popping in to Publix to pick up something half prepared. I missed the ease of opening a frozen food bag and 10 minutes later having a full-on skillet meal.

Something has happened in the last three months. I’ve begun to discover the (dare I say) joy of cooking, but not necessarily cooking for myself. I find that people open up and conversations become deeper and more meaningful when gathered around a table filled with food. While passing dishes, refilling drinks, and brewing coffee, it seems that the veneers come off, people feel at home, and cries of the heart, dreams of the future, and frustrations of the present are revealed. To me, that’s what makes a table splendid.

Hidden from view

2010-01-01T07:15:00.002-06:00

Two Christmases ago, I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns, a novel about the lives of two Afghan women. At the time, my AP literature students had recently finished reading Jane Eyre, which boasts a message or two about gender equality in the 1800s. I recall being intrigued to see how almost 200 years later pieces of literature were still being published with similar ideas, granted they differed in circumstance and situation.

As we passed through KL and Singapore, we saw countless women who were covered in some way, be it with a simple headscarf or literally covered from head to toe. In many ways, it struck me as odd when I considered these women in the context of their current society. Around them, women were displayed in advertisements. Some covered, some not. Many women around them sported fashion styles straight out of cutting edge fashion magazines. While waiting for the MRT, it was not uncommon to see covered ladies talking with their fashionista friends. Though much of the women’s attributes were hidden, time after time I noticed that the colors and fabric chosen remarkably accentuated the eyes, face and smile of each woman, making their eyes and smiles all the more memorable.

Universal experiences

2010-01-01T07:13:00.000-06:00

As we’ve read literature and discussed thematic ideas present within it, my students and I have dialogued about shared, universal experiences we all feel regardless of our backgrounds. While on vacation, I noticed this at work in little instances of daily life.

Popsicles
Taking a rest in the Lake Gardens in Kuala Lumpur, we sat people watching and a family caught my eye. The parents were toting popsicles, and the kids greedily and eagerly pawed at their parents in order to get the delicious ice pops.

Fountains
No matter where you are it seems that kids love to watch fountains work and risk the chance of getting completely drenched by the unpredictable flow of water. Countless squeals of delight and attempts to catch the water seem to outweigh the discomfort of being soaked to the bone.

Group pictures
While we were exploring the National Monument in the Lake Gardens, we watched a large group of Indian tourists posing for a group picture.

Did we get it?
No, wait, one more with my camera.
She wasn’t looking.

Problems every tourist encounters.

Teacher Man

2010-01-01T07:10:00.001-06:00

I’ve been reading Teacher Man by Frank McCourt, who spent 30 years teaching English in NYC high schools. By no means do I have the same level of experience McCourt does, but I can relate to many of his thoughts, reflections and stories related to teaching. Here are a few passages:

On being called a teacher:

I didn’t call myself anything. I was more than a teacher. And less. In the high school classroom you are a drill sergeant, a rabbi, a shoulder to cry on, a disciplinarian, a singer, a low-level scholar, a clerk, a referee, a clown, a counselor, a dress-code enforcer, a conductor, an apologist, a philosopher, a collaborator, a tap dancer, a politician, a therapist, a fool, a traffic cop, a priest, a mother-father-brother-sister-uncle-aunt, a bookkeeper, a critic, a psychologist, the last straw (19).

On the workload of teaching:

Somebody should have told me, Hey, Mac, your life, Mac, thirty years of it, Mac, is gonna be school, school, school, kids, kids, kids, papers, papers, papers, read and correct, read and correct, mountains of papers piling up at school, at home, days, nights reading stories, poems, diaries, suicide notes, diatribes, excuses, plays, essays, even novels, the work of thousands—thousands—of New York teenagers over the years, a few hundred working men and women, and you get no time for reading Graham Greene or Dashiell Hammett, F. Scott Fitzgerald or good old P.G. Wodehouse, or your main man, Mr. Jonathan Swift. You’ll go blind reading Joey and Sandra, Tony and Michelle, little agonies and passions and ecstasies. Mountains of kid stuff, Mac. If they opened your head they’d find a thousand teenagers clambering all over your brain (32).

On receiving an update regarding one of his toughest former students:

She said, this gonna kill you, Mr. McCourt, she said she gonna finish high school and go to college and teach little kids. Not big kids like us because we just a great pain but little kids that don’t talk back and she say she sorry about things she did in this class and to tell you that. Someday she gonna write you a letter.

There were fireworks in my head. It was New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July a hundred times over (146).

Simply having a wonderful Christmastime

2009-12-24T08:20:00.002-06:00

Christmas Eve dinner

My Christmas Eve Crew
(Rob, Tim, Me, Holly, Carrie)

Caroling the night away

Getting carried away by the carols

The kids steal the show

The Lady Who Smiles

2009-12-24T08:16:00.004-06:00

I don’t know her name, but if you were to describe her everyone would know her by this moniker. Seriously. She has rosy cheeks and a contagious smile. She works in the little import store in our neighborhood. I tried to converse with her more today, but that was disastrous. I say disastrous because once you start trying to use vocabulary, people then assume that you know what you are talking about. They then proceed to use vocabulary you’ve never heard. So, you are left to just smile, nod and say “wo ting bu dong” over and over again.

I ended up having to go back to the import store to buy another ingredient for my Christmas Eve dinner. She initiated the conversation this time, and I had a hard time following along until I recognized “nian” (year).

“Oh, she’s asking me when I moved here,” I think to myself.

We proceeded to have a piecemeal conversation about how long I’ve lived here, no I’m not going back to the states for Christmas, I’ll go back in the summer. Then she started on a new topic. I couldn’t grasp it at first, but then I heard the vocabulary word for “years”, as in age. She guesstimated my age to be 23, and I couldn’t have been happier. I told her my real age, and she kept saying in disbelief “23 or 24”. I think I might have been out smiling her at that point of the day.

I’m realizing more and more that in situations where my language inhibits me my body language, facial expressions and mannerisms really communicate my thoughts, feelings and emotions. When this lady smiles, it truly lights up this little store.

I hope that this Christmas you, too, have a smile as contagious as hers and a zest for all that matters this season. May the light that you carry be evident in your words, your actions, and your smile.

MIZ—ZOU!

2009-12-24T08:11:00.002-06:00

Listening to U2 and watching the Ole Miss-West Virginia basketball game while on the treadmill, I caught a glimpse of ESPN’s coverage of the Busch Braggin’ Rights match-up between Missouri and Illinois. What a Christmas Eve delight! I think even Bono was chanting “M-I-Z—Z-O-U”. It figures that the one Christmas I am not in Illinois would be the year that the Missouri Tigers would reclaim the long awaited ‘braggin’ rights’.

Hooray, Hurrah
Mizzou, Mizzou
Hooray, Hurrah
Mizzzou, Mizzou
Hooray, Hurray
And a "Bully" for Ol' Mizzou
Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah
Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah, Mizzou-rah
TIGERS!

Candy Speaks a Universal Language

2009-12-24T08:10:00.000-06:00

I wanted to spread a little holiday cheer with the staff that works at the gym. They are always so friendly, yet due to their limited English and my extremely limited Mandarin we never really talk. We just smile and nod. Say hello, good bye. Today, I took in three candy canes to the regular staff. On my way out, the front desk attendant grabbed my id card and rummaged around in a drawer. Out came a Snickers bar and a “Merry Christmas”. Good thing I went running today.

End of the Year Countdowns

2009-12-24T08:08:00.000-06:00

I love countdowns, especially all of the ones that come at the end of the year. Here’s the NYTimes photo recap of 2009. Enjoy.

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/photo/2009-year-in-pictures/#/0

Goodbyes

2009-12-18T07:26:00.001-06:00

In an international school, goodbyes come around more frequently than most people would like. Today marked the end of the semester and, with it, a time for some students to say goodbye to classmates they had just gotten to know. I said goodbye to one of my 11th grade students today, and while we were chatting I was reminded of many truths about what I believe as well as silly things, such as “who asked you to banquet”, that seem so important to an 11th grader.

Perhaps a lesson that we could learn from “goodbyes” is that we should share with people more often our thoughts about them: how they’ve grown, what we see as their strengths, what they bring to a community, what they’ve taught us.

As I was talking to this student about her thoughts on leaving new friends she had grown to treasure, I was reminded of one of my favorite things in life: memories. No one, except old age, can steal them, tarnish them, or change them. They are yours forever, to keep, to come back to, and to love. Memories can sustain us in low times, can keep us company, and provoke a smile like nothing else. May you, like Mary, treasure up wondrous moments and ponder them in your heart.

Retail Chatter

2009-12-18T07:16:00.000-06:00

I find that my inability to speak Mandarin often frustrates me most in small situations, such as engaging in small talk with a cashier, perhaps it’s from many years being on the other side of the register. In working a variety of retail jobs, I often enjoyed stirring up a light conversation of talk about the weather, the holidays, the busyness of what was going on at the time. Not that today was a break through by any means, but as I left Vanguard this evening, I said, “sheng dan jie kuai le” to the cashier as she handed me my change and receipt. She smiled and said “Merry Christmas”, in English, in return. It made me smile.

Choral Melodies

2009-12-12T08:16:00.003-06:00

At times, it is hard to fully get into the Christmas spirit as there are fewer encounters with Christmas decor (aside from ubiquitous pictures of Santa), fewer shops that play Christmas music, and a lack of television channels playing classic Christmas movies. Tonight's Christmas concert gave me a shot in the arm. Here are a few pictures of our choir in action. The bottom picture is of their rousing rendition of "Hot Chocolate' from The Polar Express.

I am a nerd.

2009-12-12T08:12:00.003-06:00

The other day, one of my students exclaimed, "Everyone in our school is a nerd." In an effort to mitigate her sarcasm, I chimed in, "I'm a nerd. I love nerds." Seriously, I am a nerd. I spent most of the morning and afternoon attempting to write four semester exams for my honors English 10, World Literature, honors US literature and US literature students. As I hunted down poems and passages for the students to read and respond to, I found myself excited about finding passages that would challenge them, and passages that would provoke thoughtful replies. Is it weird that I find myself excited to see how they will respond? Perhaps this is just more evidence that I am a nerd.

Christmas countdown: take 2

2009-12-12T07:49:00.004-06:00

Can you guess what this is? Don't be fooled.
They aren't mozzarella sticks.

Enjoying dinner with friends before the high school band and choral concert.

So, just how much do you like rice? Initially we thought the rice came out in individual bowls; well, the white rice did, but the fried rice came out in platters. Oops.

Jenn navigates our ordering. Molly is saying,
"I can't believe they don't have any chicken dishes."

Vocabulary

2009-12-12T07:45:00.002-06:00

Dancing Queen

2009-12-10T07:20:00.002-06:00

Perhaps the better title would be “Dancing Fool”. In my excitement for this year’s China Day school celebration, I eagerly sought out a performance group. Last year, I made my debut in a Mongolian dance troupe, and this year could possibly top last year’s routine. Imagine a line dance-esque routine involving bamboo sticks. Sound weird? It is, but mostly because this “weigouren” is attempting a traditional dance.

At 15, I had the urge to tap into my latent ballet talents. Well, much to my chagrin, there were no latent talents to tap into, and I was never involved in a dance recital at Jane Mannion’s School of Dance; however, my teaching job has provided me with a chance to claim the dancing fame I once desired. It will no doubt be a hysterical process.

Christmas countdown

2009-12-10T07:15:00.004-06:00

Staff Christmas banquet
Our school cafeteria staff outdid themselves with a delicious array of Western fare: steak, mashed potatoes, ham, homemade rolls, salads, and wondrous cheesecake!

Up next--The high school holiday band and choral concert

Christmastime is here...

2009-11-29T02:45:00.003-06:00

My Charlie Brown Tree

The Christmas Bazaar

Fundraising for a Habitat trip

Thanksgiving Part Two

2009-11-29T02:37:00.003-06:00

Thankful for good friends

Skype-ing with friends who have moved back to the states

Dinner with my single friends and family :)

Thanksgiving Part One

2009-11-29T02:32:00.003-06:00

Yummy and delicious food!

Thanksgiving:
Half day at school
My own Turkey Trot (5K) at the Sai Xiang Hotel
Prepping my contribution to the Bell's thanksgiving dinner
Thanksgiving dinner with coworkers and friends

Giving Thanks

2009-11-25T07:10:00.000-06:00

Last year, I spent Thanksgiving at a Burger King at the Peak in Hong Kong. Tomorrow, I’ll spend part of my Thanksgiving at work. To most of my students, Thanksgiving holds no meaning. To me, it obviously holds memories of family get togethers and traditions, but I guess as I get older and the more Thanksgivings I spend away from my family and now from my home country, I realize truly how Thanksgiving or the idea behind the word is a state of mind and heart. For what am I thankful? A great many things, some of which cannot merely be written about in words, or even tackled. Again and again I’m reminded that every day I need to wake with a spirit of thanksgiving and carry it with me throughout my day. My dad would often sing the hymn “Count your blessings” when my sisters and I weren’t doing so, but those words are a good reminder. Each day, not just on a formal holiday, I need to count my blessings and name them one by one.

So, I’ll start the list with a nod to some of Paul’s wording; I am thankful for you and the encouragement you provide me.

When Literature Speaks

2009-11-25T07:09:00.003-06:00

This fall, my students and I have been studying The Crucible by Arthur Miller. I confess this is my first tango with any of Miller’s works. Having an interest in history and literature, The Crucible is a gem and the interest my students have shown has only made it all the more exciting. The regular class studied it first quarter, and now my honors students have begun to tackle it. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil the ending in case you’ve never read it. As we worked through the climactic points today, I was delighted to hear them gasp at the irony and catastrophe that befell the main characters. It truly is a joy to see them WANT to engage with literary works and on their own discuss getting together outside of school to read the play! Thank you, Arthur Miller.

Addendum: Thursday, one of my students stopped me in the hall and confessed that he read all of Act Four the night before. He just couldn't put it down! HOORAY! :)

Lens

2009-11-25T07:09:00.001-06:00

If you enjoy photography, you might enjoy checking out this blog. While the photographs are memorable, the elements of humanity captured speak volumes.

http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/

Floating Subtitles

2009-11-22T06:55:00.001-06:00

My life here would be much easier if such an invention existed. After almost a year and a half, I had what could quite possibly be classified as a "conversation" with a taxi driver. I say conversation because we "attempted" to talk for about 30 minutes. Our conversation consisted of many "wo ting bu dong" exclamations from both parties and many attempts at charades. Nonetheless, I felt good after having an "exchange" involving more than one topic of conversation.

"Food Court" Fare

2009-11-22T06:21:00.002-06:00

I've been reading a novel called The Red Tent, so Molly and I
joked that were were eating our street food in it.

Enjoying warm milk tea on a blustery night

The outdoor "food court"

Auntie Anne's--just like any state side mall

Mmmm...

Fun and delightful sights

2009-11-17T07:18:00.002-06:00

Even Mickey Mouse likes to shop at Bin Jiang Dao

Badminton gets its own store on this side of the globe.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2009-11-17T07:16:00.002-06:00

Who will they become?

2009-11-17T07:15:00.003-06:00

As I looked through photos I had taken of the cast of our fall play production, I wondered about my students and who they would become. What will they remember from high school? Will it have been enough to prepare them for the next stage of their life?

At study this past week, a friend said that she was questioning what to do with her life and seemed frustrated that at 27 she hadn’t figured it out. I thought about her question and began to consider it. Yes, the world does tell us that when we head into college, the next phase of our life, we have to have a game plan, but realistically our lives, especially our walks of faith, are constantly changing. As we are being moved and refined to be more like who we were intended to be, it would seem impossible to have “one idea” in mind. A restlessness to do something different doesn’t mean we failed to understand the “grand plan”. It simply could mean that in our growth and own growing pains, we’ve outgrown it or are being challenged to embark on a new route. I’m reminded of a line from “The Glory of It All” by the David Crowder Band.

Everything will change and we will never be the same.

May we never be the same and continually seek to become more than we ever thought we could be.

For the love of coffee...

2009-11-17T07:12:00.002-06:00

I love coffee.
I love coffee shops.
I love deep, meaningful conversation in coffee shops.
If I were ever to own a house, I’d want my kitchen to feel like a coffee shop. A place where you could just settle in for a while. A time where you could totally disconnect from your obligations and listen. Listen to music, listen to people’s hearts, listen to life around you. A place where people would always be welcome and the coffee would always be ready.

Shared Experiences

2009-11-17T07:04:00.003-06:00

Last Saturday, on my way to run various errands, I popped in to McDonald’s for a quick lunch. Often times, I feel disengaged from the community around me, and I found myself glad to have a few moments to just sit and observe. Several kids munched on fries and inspected their Happy Meal toys while under the supervision of mom and dad. Not very different from my own experiences at McDonald’s as a young girl. I wondered if a little girl in Russia or Germany also experienced the same delights, begged her mom for a hot fudge sundae, and made the rounds of the play land before going home.

Snow Art

2009-11-12T07:36:00.003-06:00

Today's snowfall delighted students of all ages, perhaps the high schoolers even more than the little ones. Here's evidence. My students and I enjoyed glancing out the fifth floor windows and watching the fluffy and feathery flakes float by. I said to one of my study hall students that the snow was perfect for a movie scene taking place at a train station at Christmas time. The only thing missing from this snowy moment was a warm latte in my hand. :)

Hao Chi!

2009-11-12T07:31:00.002-06:00

My 5 kuai sweet potato

Last year street food wasn't my thing. Food poisoning paranoia kept me away from it. This year, I've actually begun to crave street food, but until a few days ago I had yet to buy a delicious cooked sweet potato off the street. It looks a bit scary, but don't be fooled by that charred exterior. Inside is sheer deliciousness waiting to delight your tastebuds.

Wonder

2009-11-11T07:12:00.002-06:00

I’ve been spending a large amount of time reading and preparing lessons on Civil War period literature. Actually, the preparation has included more than just literature: nonfictional pieces, spirituals, and photography. In researching events within this time period, I find myself in awe of the change enacted by key individuals. Growing up in the Land of Lincoln, I’ve always been aware of the accomplishments of Honest Abe, yet I don’t think I’ve ever truly considered the onus of pressure and responsibility he felt at this pivotal time in history. As I read Frederick Douglass’s autobiography, I stand amazed at his hunger to learn how to read and write and free himself from his enslaved condition. I wonder what these individuals, and countless others like Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., were like as children. What did they experience in their formative years that may have been a catalyst to cause them to seek out experiences in life that would bring about change and impact the lives of so many? Then I wonder if any of the students I am teaching or their contemporaries will affect their world, our world, in such a way. I can hope and wonder.

A Confluence of Ideas

2009-11-11T07:12:00.001-06:00

Literature moves me, as does art, music and history. Words and images hold grand amounts of power, that in the moment of their creation I wonder if the artist truly feels their depth.

Lately I find myself fascinated by literature and other pieces of art dealing with oppression. It might sound paradoxical to say that reading about oppression is gripping. How could something created in a dark moment of life be so engaging and riveting? Frankly, the mere resolve of the individual creating that specific piece of art is amazing. The raw and unedited emotion encapsulated in that moment transcends time. It’s mind boggling how words, which have been around for ages, can hit you in your gut or heart and move you to an emotional response you might not expect.

I can never understand the oppression, despair, and fear those living in slavery or the Holocaust felt, nor can I understand how man could turn on man in such evil ways. Yet, the works from these eras remind me of the tenacious spirit of man, and I am thankful for those individuals who, in their bravery and honesty, let me in to a corner of history, especially their history.

Just a Taste

2009-11-11T07:11:00.000-06:00

Taste and savor. Taste and see. Just a taste. Taste has been on my mind, but not in a physical sense. As I was reading a book on teaching students how to respond to nonfiction pieces, I stumbled on a quote by Anias Nin, “We write to taste life twice, in the moment, and in retrospection.” Interesting. So often, I feel I’m not even tasting life the first time around.

Last night I listened to a chat from Mars Hill on “silence”. In his message on silence, the speaker said we release ourselves into the heart of our creator and connect to the source of life so that we, in turn, have life to give. You see, we must “taste” his goodness and “drink” it in, so to speak, before we can let the overflow spread beyond ourselves. He went on to say we begin to live from the very source of life when we practice silence.

Over the last few months, I’ve struggled to come to an understanding of what abundant life means in the here and now. Even as I contemplated these new thoughts, I was taken back to something my mom would always say after dinner. She always needed “just a taste” of something sweet. Not a whole cookie. Not a whole bowl of ice cream. Not a whole piece of cake. Just a taste to satisfy that momentary desire. What a reminder. A taste. A morsel of goodness. Each day provides a “taste” of life and a “morsel” of goodness. Perhaps that perspective is a key in learning what abundance is.

The More I Run

2009-11-11T07:09:00.001-06:00

I’ve never had a mantra. I’m not sure I believe in mantras. Over the years, running has become an outlet for me, almost a sense of joy. What I hated as an elementary P.E. student, I now crave. Odd, I know. By no means am I a running fanatic, but there are parts of the following quote I’d love to adopt in my life:

“The more I run, the more I want to run, and the more I live a life conditioned and influenced and fashioned by my running. And the more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal: to become the person I am.”—George Sheehan, M.D.

For me, running provides clarity. Running provides peace, a lifting of burdens off of my shoulders. The more I run, the more I let go of that which hinders me, and the more I am able to focus on He who is important.

Gritty and Rustic

2009-11-10T06:46:00.002-06:00

Meandering through the market on Saturday, I thought of this country as a gritty and rustic place. My eyes always manage to scan an alleyway or a doorway, as that’s where you can see life in its most genuine moments. It could be a shy little boy peeking his head out to see what kind of day will greet him. It could be two older ladies taking their daily stroll about the neighborhood. It could be a man setting up his breakfast cart and getting ready for a day of business. Regardless of what it is, it’s in those moments that I’m reminded of the contrast between old and new, dark and light. The little boy may peek his head out of a decrepit doorway, but his pronounced “hello” lights up the darkness. The sharp chatter of the older ladies creates a new sound amidst the honking and squeaking of bike brakes. The breakfast cart’s sweet smells waft into the air and delight my nose and taste buds; the hustle and bustle of its patrons brings the street to life in a new way, and the magic of this place becomes new once again.

All Aboard

2009-11-10T06:46:00.001-06:00

I am a dork who loves mass transit, specifically trains and the subway. Thursday I headed in to Beijing to meet two friends, and my heart swelled at the idea of taking the bullet train and the subway into the city. Perhaps I am over-romanticizing things, but the mix of people all headed somewhere at one time mystifies me. Here we all are tucked into a brief shared moment together, ready to zip from one end of the city to another, only to separate and go off to the responsibilities that await us, meanwhile the city keeps moving and working above us with millions more going about their day.

Jumbotron

2009-11-10T06:45:00.002-06:00

Many times I find myself saying in my head, “is that what I think it is?” While taxiing home Thursday evening, a highrise video screen caught my attention. Though unable to read the Mandarin subtitles, it was evident that the Pixar movie Ratatoille was playing. Too bad I didn’t have popcorn.

Wind Chilll

2009-11-10T06:45:00.001-06:00

It is cold. The calendar says November 7, but in Florida terms: “We’re in winter”. Last weekend, the temperature plummeted 20 degrees bringing with it the first snowfall of the fall season. The many windows and tiles in my apartment don’t make for a very warm and cozy environment. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands: buy a space heater. Again this leads me to the vocabulary dilemma. Questions I should ask: how much power does this take? How long will it last? Is it safe?

So, after “How much is it?” and “I want that”, I lugged my new space heater home. And I do mean lugged. Walking 10 minutes home from Vanguard seemed like 20 or 30. I longed for my car, or even a donkey or something else to carry it.

Now, things are warmer and cozier. I’m just hoping I don’t blow out the electricity.

Mad Skills

2009-11-10T06:12:00.007-06:00

Starting the process

Ready for baking

Final results

Step one: Apples in the rice cooker

Finished product: chunky applesauce :)

If a Facebook application called "What Little House on the Prairie character are you?" existed, I'd be fairly certain my result would be Laura "halfpint" Ingalls. Scratch that. After living overseas for a year and attempting to cook from "scratch", I realized I am more Nelly Olson than "halfpint". Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy learning to cook and bake, but I must confess that those women who roamed the prairie had some mad cooking skills and deserve crazy praise! Playing Oregon Trail in Mr. Brede's typing class and attempting to actually make things "au natural" are completely different. Here are the fruits of my baking labors last weekend: cooked pumpkin and applesauce. Up next: homemade pumpkin pie just in time for Thanksgiving.

Fall Flakes

2009-11-01T02:22:00.003-06:00

A dusting on the neighborhood

Scout checks out the fluffy precipitation.

Beautiful fluffy white snowflakes greeted me and welcomed in the month of November. I suppose it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

The Not So 10K

2009-10-30T09:38:00.002-05:00

“The more I run, the more I want to run, and the more I live a life conditioned and influenced and fashioned by my running. And the more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal: to become the person I am.” George Sheehan, M.D.

I used to love running. Well, I take that back. I hated it when I started, and then my body began to enjoy it and almost crave it. If I didn't run, something seemed "off". Then stress hit, and it cannibalized my zest for running. Enter the Pride in Beijing Fun Run last weekend. Looking for a jolt of life in my running pursuits, I embraced the 10K. If you read Aesop's Fables as a kid, I am the tortoise. Slow and steady wins the race, or simply finishes the race if we're talking about my running career. My only goal: finish.

A gorgeous fall day greeted us in Beijing, and even as my shins burned and I was being left in the dust by the other runners, I didn't care. Finally, the halfway point was in sight, and then came the 7k marker. Just 3ks left! Oh so manageable because at this point I finally hit my stride. Well, with no other runners around and only a 5k sign pointing the way, I kept going straight. Hmmm, no other runners. Now, granted I was in the back of the competition for quite some time. Finally, the straightaway merged with another intersection, which was spilling runners onto the street, and a 9K sign looked straight at me. CLEARLY I missed a turn, but managed to reach a personal best for a 10K...or maybe it was only an 8.5K. :)

I'll Take Conversational Mandarin for 1,000, Alex

2009-10-30T09:34:00.001-05:00

My vocabulary is ridiculously limited. I decided my apartment needed a new touch of greenery, and my cat had destroyed most of my plants and vases. So, I headed out to the plant market for an apartment spruce-up. As I was looking at and buying plants, I needed to ask if plants were safe for my cat to munch on. Here’s how the conversation transpired.

Me: Wo you mao.
Me: Wo de mao xi wan (pantomime chomping/biting) zhe ge (pointing to plants).
Me: Hao bu hao?

Translation:
Me: I have cat.
Me: My cat likes to “chomp” this “plant”.
Me: Is that okay?

It sounds Neanderthal-esque, but it worked.
That, my friends, is called "survival Mandarin".